Everyday Life

Why the Law of Attraction Doesn’t Work

What do you mean the Law of Attraction doesn’t work? Did I grab your attention with that title? I hope so! I’ve been traveling down a spiritual path for a while now. I first heard of the Law of Attraction in 2012. Wow, I remember thinking, a great shortcut! I can just ask the Universe for things and I’ll get them! Sounds like a super easy way to get everything you’ve ever wanted, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, it’s not that easy.

You actually have to do the work in order to get the good stuff.

Spirituality is WORK

The unfortunate thing about us humans is that we all want that easy fix. We all want to have lost weight, but none of us wants to go about losing weight. Giving up donuts?! Eating more salads!? Who wants to do all that work? Unfortunately, though, when it comes to spirituality, there is no easy fix.

You can’t just pretend to be happy all the time. This only leads to further unhappiness. It’s kind of like cheating. You’re putting on a show for everyone around you. They all think you’re happy, and maybe even you’ve convinced yourself you’re happy. All the things should be coming to you now; money, the sports car, more free time, great friends, an amazing person to share your life with. Unfortunately, this just doesn’t happen.

It doesn’t work the way that you want it to because you’re trying too hard to force things into your control. We’re all humans, we’re all concerned with the physical realm, and only the physical realm. Well, who can blame us? We live here after all! I don’t know about you, but I came here to have a good time. So why am I not having a good time?

Genuine feelings to work for

I always want things that I have never gotten. Currently I am obsessed with getting out of my apartment and finding a house; but that is not something that I am able to afford right now. I have been seething with jealousy at my friends who are able to purchase their houses; so much so that I actually had to take a step back.

Why am I so concerned with getting this one thing? Is it really going to improve my life? There’s a lot of societal pressure built up around owning a house. It’s seen as a mark of adulthood to own one. But even though it would be nice to have a yard and a larger garden, I don’t think I really want a house. All the maintenance falls on me. Yes, I can paint the walls whatever color I want, but when the washing machine craps out, I have to shell out to replace it. Or if the furnace breaks, that expense is mine to pay.

Okay, so I don’t really want a house. And– revelation time!– you don’t really want the object that you’ve got your heart set on. Surprise! This is because it’s not things that make you happy. That’s a very outside-in perspective, something that I think most of us are guilty of a lot; especially in a world where Instagram and Facebook show us the perfect glimpses of other people’s lives. Honestly, you really don’t need the object that you have your heart set on. But what is it that you want?

It all comes down to feelings. What feeling are you after? I mean, obviously you are chasing happiness, but you’re chasing it like a kid at Christmas is chasing the high of opening presents. Yes, you might get the complete Shopkins play set, but maybe it’s also an ugly and itchy sweater. It’s how you react when you get an itchy sweater that makes it all worthwhile.

Itchy Sweater Metaphor

Seriously, think about it. You’re nine years old, and one of your family members just got you a gift that you don’t particularly like. Maybe you need a sweater because it’s cold outside, but this one is just not pretty. What would you do?

If your parental units were anything like mine, they taught you to slap on a fake smile and say thank you, even if you’re not truly happy about it. This is kind of the key to any spiritual work. It’s not so much about pretending as it is about being gracious. You know that if you throw a tantrum over it, that your family member will be upset that you don’t like it. Maybe you won’t even get a present from him or her next year! Maybe it will strain your relationship if you act negatively. The same idea applies to presents from the Universe.

You can’t receive things that you’re not vibrationally attuned to. That’s not how this whole thing works. So if you’re in the habit of complaining, guess what? You’re going to get even more things to complain about. If you have to fake being happy all the time, you’re going to have to keep being fake happy. I honestly believe that the Universe is just like Great-Aunt Shirley; it wants to give you a nice present because giving things just feels so good! But if you cannot be gracious about the things that you are given, then maybe the gifts just stop coming.

Work on your feelings

In order for the flow of the Universe to operate correctly, your feelings need to be genuine. That’s kind of where the Ugly Sweater Metaphor falls apart. You’re not acting genuinely when you’re nine. You’re just too young. Part of that has to do with spiritual work as well; the closer you are to sorting your shit, the harder it’s going to be. If you got passed over for the promotion at work, of course your first instinct is to be pissed. You wanted that promotion! You needed that promotion!

But after the anger passes, it is imperative that you try on a different perspective. Maybe this is an opportunity to change jobs? Perhaps there is an opening in a different location, away from Bitchy Linda and Whiny John. Maybe working that new promotion would keep you so busy that you wouldn’t be able to see your friends, or catch up on that new show, or do your writing in your free time.

The point is, every bad thing that happens is not a slap in the face from the Universe. I’ve had some extremely shitty days and even weeks, but I can now look back and say that those times were the ones that really made me grow. Because of those things that happened, I learned about myself and saw what I was capable of. I realized that even though I felt angry or unlucky sometimes, some good always came from those situations. Sometimes you have to learn what is not a good fit before you can find what you’re really looking for.

The REAL Secret

Ok, this is the secret thing that life coaches will tell you only after you pay them . . . you only need yourself to be happy. That’s the biggest BS of The Secret . . . it’s all about your perspective. Well, you shouldn’t have to force your perspective. You should be able to be happy, but no one is going to make any money if you’re happy. So instead, we capitalize on other peoples’ unhappiness. That’s how marketing works, especially toward women. We are taught that beauty is our commodity, our reason for existing in this world. But that’s not true. Your reason to exist in the world is yours to define.

If you choose to see more positivity, you’ll see more. If you choose to see negativity, you’ll see more. It’s hard to see positivity when your brain is wired for negativity, so you have to rewire your brain. That doesn’t mean pretending to be happy while the world burns around you. That means you need to find things to be grateful for, today. I bet that you have a lot of little things in your life that you take for granted every day.

This is the work that you need to be doing. You don’t need to pretend your life is perfect or that you’re so happy with everything. Feel your feelings. You’re allowed to be angry about the promotion or to feel upset because you have to spend your clothes budget on car repairs this month. But make sure that you can get over those feelings and that you can find something to be grateful for.

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